The Positive & Negative of Cliques One of the biggest sources of frustration and joy in a teen's life has to do with the inclusion into a particular social group. Identifying with a set group of friends or "clique" can help during the emotionally tumultuous years of adolescence — providing a safe-haven of friends to socialize with, confide in, and feel supported by as they cope with the day-to-day issues of being a teen. To varying degrees, cliques can play a powerful role in shaping and reinforcing what they wear and say, how they relate to other classmates, how they relate to teachers and other authority figures, how they interact with their family, how they relate to God, and how they feel about themselves overall (4therapy.com). The one question which arises then is what if a teen is a part of a group that affects him/her in a negative way? Here are some practical suggestions to help your teen muddle through the murky water of social groups. Be proactive in knowing your teen's friends. Have your son or daughter's friends come over to your house where you can interact with each of them in an informal setting. Also find time to get to know their parents by talking on the phone or having them over. This is invaluable for wisdom and insight into who is influencing your teen when you are not around. As you spend time with your teen's friends, you can also determine if their values match up to what you believe as a family. If not, have a conversation with your teen about your concerns. Remember not to attack their friends. Ask your teen questions that will help them realize and understand your concerns. Encourage them to walk across "clique boundaries" to include all different types of people. Teaching the importance of inclusion, instead of exclusion, will allow other people to see Christ in your teen and your family.   PulsePulsePulsePulsePulsePulsePulse How do teens feel about cliques and peer pressure? Do all of your friends belong to the same group or clique? 14% - Yes, my friends and I belong to the same group. 52% - No, I'm friends with people across groups. 35% - Mostly the same group, but I am nice to everybody. (tolerance.org) Do you usually find it hard to say "No" to potentially dangerous situations when most everyone around you is saying "Yes?" 37% - Yes 41% - No 22% - Sometimes (4therapy.com)    + & - of Cliques How well do you know your teen's group of friends? 1. Name your teen's best friend.  2. Name your teen's next closest five or six friends. 3. Do you know those friends' ages? 4. Do you know the names of those friends' parents? 5. Describe those friends' relationships with their parents. 6. Name as many young people as you can in your child's peer group (usually about 50 individuals). 7. Describe the social and behavioral characteristics of the leading (most popular) crowd at your child's school. 8. Describe the social and behavioral characteristics of your child's school. (youthdevelopment.org)   THE PARENT POVPoint of View There is no getting around the fact that your teen deals with the pressure of cliques and social groups on a daily basis. Here are some questions to discover where your teen fits in. 1. Do you think cliques are a big problem in your school or church? Why? 2. To what group do you belong? Did you choose this group or did this group choose you? Why do you think that? 3. Are you happy with the group you are hanging out with now? Why or why not? If not, which clique would you like to join? 4. What do you think are the positives and negatives of social groups/cliques? 5. If you could have your way, would you get rid of cliques or keep them? Why?   GOD AND YOUR FAMILY Pray that: 1. Your teen will find their identity in Christ alone and not have to search for identity and worth in people or status. 2. God will allow your teen to find godly friends who will be a positive influence in his/her decisions and attitudes. 3. God will give you wisdom and discernment as you actively get to know your teen's friends and their parents. 4. God will give your teen the desire and passion to crossover clique boundaries and fight for unity in our churches and schools.   VERSE OF THE MONTH "Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves. Each of you should look not only to your own interests, but also to the interests of others." Philippians 2:3-4 - (NIV) Let's face the fact that it is so much easier to take care of ourselves than to think about other people. When you have to think of other people, it requires too much work, and frankly, some Christians are just too lazy to put forth the effort. As a parent, we must live out humility and the ability to accept anyone, not just those people who are like us. It's so easy to be comfortable with the people who are like you. The problem is that God does not call us as Christ's followers to be comfortable. He instructs us to reach out to the unlovable. He is passionate about the person who is desperate to find love and acceptance. When we can get teens to realize that looking after someone else's interests can actually be fun, exciting, and rewarding, then we will see this world change because of the love of Christ.   DID YOU KNOW... * Studies of adolescent friendships show that while peer influence may reveal itself in clothing, hairstyles, language, and substance abuse, parental influence is most important in the long run in teens' choices of career and religious values. (pbs.org) * As expected, students who do well in school and enjoy academics are least likely to smoke, drink alcohol, use drugs and have unsafe sex, while those students classified as "burnouts" and "non-conformists" are most likely to indulge in risky behaviors (sciencedaily.com) * Teen boys spend more than half of their waking hours with other teenagers and less than five percent of their time with either parent. (pbs.org) * On average, a girl's risk of pregnancy decreases by one percent for every one percent more low-risk than high-risk friends she has. (youthdevelopment.org)   TRENDS Spring looks coming for your teen: * Preppy, collegiate styles, with upturned collars, argyle sweaters and tiny embroidered logos from the 1980s. * Though coveted brands may come and go, jeans are forever fashionable. Low-rise jeans will become a thing of the past as waistlines return to a more natural place. FilmWatch Pink Panther - PG For occasional crude and suggestive humor and language. Comedy When a Stranger Calls - PG-13 For intense terror, violence, and some language. Horror/ Suspense My First Wedding - PG-13 For sexual content and language. Comedy