The Upside to Disappointments School has finally begun. The hustle and bustle of a new year brings many emotions including the excitement of new possibilities and the impending disappointments that come with those possibilities. It is difficult to see your teen upset and crushed after hearing he/she was not picked for a team or ensemble. You want to pray the pain away, but if you stop to think about it, that may not be the right thing to pray. We spend so much time wanting to protect our teens from failure and disappointment, but sometimes we are doing them a great disservice. As adults, we all know that life is not fair. Things don't always work out the way we want. That is why it is important to teach teens how to respond to and how to deal with disappointments in life. When your teen fails, start with reality. Your teen is hurt, mad, sad, and disgusted all at the same time. Ask a question like, "What are you feeling right now?" Some teens will let their emotions fly. Others are so upset, they do not know where to begin. If this happens, help your teen verbalize what they might be feeling. If they disagree with what you say, they WILL tell you. Second, how you initially react is key to helping them deal with disappointment. They don't need your well-meaning advice or someone to pump up their self-esteem. Teens need your quiet support, listening ear, and reassuring hugs. God knew we would all have disappointments in our life. He gives some great advice in Romans 5:3-4 on how suffering produces perseverance that leads to character, and the end result is hope. Praise God that our hope is in Him!   PulsePulsePulsePulsePulsePulsePulse Take this test; Yes-2 points, No-0 points 1. Does your teen bounce back when things go wrong? 2. Does your teen rationalize disappointment and rejection rather than take it personally? 3. Does your teen take a positive view when challenges come their way? 4. Does your teen pat themselves on the back when they do something well? 5. Does your teen avoid letting little things spill over and spoil other parts of their life? THE ANSWER KEY: 9-10: A resilient child. They bounce back quickly. 5-8: A hardy soul. 0-4: Too hard on themselves. Need some help to lighten the load. (parentingideas.com)   How to Deal 1. Acknowledge Your Anger. Tell God how you feel and ask him to protect you from bitterness. Ask God to forgive you for anger toward your teen. It won't automatically make everything feel better, but healing can't come without forgiveness. 2. Let Go of Guilt. Every parent makes mistakes, but you may be taking on guilt that's not yours to bear. Don't assume all the blame. Confess it and receive God's forgiveness (Proverbs 28:13, 1 John 1:9). 3. Run to God. When a crisis occurs, it's easy to think your child has ruined his life. You may feel as though it's too late to turn the situation around. God promises he'll use anything, even tragedy, for good if you seek him (Romans 8:28). 4. Get Friends to Pray and Play. When you're going through a hard time, it's easy to become consumed with the situation. Ask close friends to pray for your teen and your family. Focusing on something other than the "issue" will help you restore some perspective.   THE PARENT POVPoint of View Having your teen talk about a disappointing event may be very difficult for them. It is important to listen to their answers after you ask about their feelings. Here are some questions to help start communication and thus the healing process: 1. Is there anything I can do for you right now? After this question, just hug them, cry with them, and listen. When the time is right, at that moment or possibly after a few days, then ask the following questions: 2. Have I ever told you about the biggest disappointment in my life? Would you like me to tell you about it? 3. Is there anything you have learned through this whole situation? Would you like to discuss it now or just wait a little while?   GOD AND YOUR FAMILY Pray that: 1. Your teen will run to God when he/she is dealing with a disappointing situation. 2. God will allow you to listen instead of trying to "fix" things immediately. 3. God will use these disappointing situations to teach your teen great life lessons as they grow in their relationship with Christ. 4. God will give you great wisdom and patience as you love and encourage your teen during this difficult time.   VERSE OF THE MONTH "For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." Jeremiah 29:11 (NIV) This is a great reminder to all of us that God is in control and that He truly wants what is best for us. As teens and even as adults, we want what we want. We put blinders on sometimes and can only see what is directly in front of us. God sees everything; the big picture; our entire life, and our purpose. In the midst of hurt, it is sometimes good for all of us to be reminded that God has and holds our future and that through Him there is hope. Even when we can't see why He would chose to take us down a certain path or forbid us from walking down another, there is a purpose for it.   DID YOU KNOW... * Sadness has physiological affects on your body, including the slowing down of the metabolism. (alive.com) * According to Suzanne Segerstrom, professor of psychology at the University of Kentucky, setbacks are inherent to almost every worthwhile human activity, and a number of studies show that optimists are in general both psychologically and physiologically healthier.” (lclark.edu) * Research has substantiated the age-old theory that crying releases harmful toxins by showing that tears of sadness have a different chemical composition than tears of joy or those caused by irritants. (alive.com) * The brain's response to stressful and/or disappointing events may alter the balance of neurotransmitters, the chemicals that assist in transmitting messages between nerve cells in the brain, and as a result, cause depression. (kidshealth.org)   TRENDS What do you think of the Nintendo Wii? 38% - It sounds absolutely awesome! 6% - I don’t get how it’s going to work. 1% - Nintendo should stick to Game Boy. 40% - I haven’t heard of it. 15% - No interest. (kiwibox.com)    FilmWatch The Guardian - PG-13 For intense sequences of action/peril brief strong language and some sensuality. Drama Freshman Orientation - R For strong sexual content, language and some drug use. Comedy Jack*** Number 2 - R For extremely crude and dangerous stunts throughout sexual content nudity and language. Comedy